Gallia est divisia in partes tres

I know, it´s the first phrase of Ceasar´s " De bello gallico" - Of the gallic wars. Thus was my situation after last summer, there was me(sorry for being self centered again), my Gf. and Sam. Most of my spare free time I spend with her, as it should be, but Sam took his part too, mostly in inviting me to bars or parties. I got used to have an extended dinner as a layer for drinks, but I normally don´t do much in the booze department, other than Sam, whom I had to drive home w/embarrassing regularity. I like him nonetheless, though is nowhere near to my feelings for my Gf. I guess Sam has a drinking proob, even though he denies it, when I wanna face him w/it. That makes me sad. Such a gorgeous young man wasting his life on alcohol. I mmean, I´m not abstinent, drinking wine for lunch and dinner, the occasional drink however doesn´t make me a drinker, does it? And I have no idea, how to manage Sam out of his habit. Should I feel responsible for him? I mean, he´s only a part of my life, and currently not even a major one. We prbly. will meet tonite. I feel torn! Laters, Pilgrim ...P.S. sorry for the short post, but plz. If you have some ideas on the issue, let me know. ...P.P.S. now you might know, why I chose this spanish title for the first post on Sam. Hope, you guys found a translation.


naturgesetz said...

Haven't the foggiest idea what "caer" means. Nor why putting the title in Spanish makes any difference.

It is sad if Sam drinks excessively, but you are ultimately not responsible for what he does to himself.

Obviously, you don't want to encourage him to drink too much, and that could have consequences for when, where, and under what circumstances you see him, and how long you stay. You don't want to be an enabler. But it's not clear cut. If you won't be his drinking buddy, he might find another who is unconcerned about his drinking.

If he denies he has a problem when you try to suggest it, maybe something less generalized might work — on a particular occasion when he has had enough, maybe you can persuade him to stop, or switch to something non-alcoholic.

In the States we have an organization for friends and family of alcoholics, called Al Anon (not Alcoholics Anonymous, which is for the drinkers themselves, but affiliated with it). If it also exists in France, they could give you some helpful suggestions.

Good luck on helping him.

Anonymous said...

My friend who did, and does, drink far too much, wld only ever reply 'spoilsport' or 'you don't have to stay' if he was challenged.

I tried to care for him several times and didn't often succeed in moderating what he had. it wld have meant getting far closer than I wanted to.

for me though, I would have to try. Perhps there are reasons why he drinks so much more than U - there usually R. That's prob the best line of attack & remember that you'll need to let him get drunk to free his tongue or you'll learn nothing.

It can be a long road tho - U R sure he doesn't drink cos he's jealous of U? Or even wants U himself? Stranger things have happened.

Anonymous said...

Mind you - I also had a close friend who was addicted to sex in public places and wld spend hours each day cruising round locations he knew.

How on earth do you tackle that one?
Sadly it'd be too late: he died of HIV/AIDS.

Anonymous said...

Ohhh, so this is Sam's problem...got it. I think if you need it you're addicted and it's a problem. I really hope something can be done to address his problem.